“When you show deep empathy toward others, their defensive energy goes down, and positive energy replaces it. That’s when you can get more creative in solving problems.”
You’ve heard the terms empathy and sympathy before, probably very recently as the two have received increased attention in the media. While there are many articles and resources about the two terms, I recommend Brené Brown’s video about empathy below that includes the most beautiful description of the two terms that I’ve come across.
Empathy and sympathy are both ways of connecting with those around you and in relationship, it is an awareness of the differences between the two that can deepen your relationships with loved ones and increase your ability to connect with those who are experiencing pain. Sympathy is a way of communicating your thoughts and care for someone else’s experience. Empathy is engaging by actually putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. It takes courage and vulnerability to open yourself up to someone else’s experience and that is why engaging in empathy can ultimately strengthen your relationships.
Why does empathy matter and why am I writing to you about it? As a Marriage and Family Therapist I often work with clients who are engaged in conflict or don’t feel heard or understood by their partner or family member. This is where the power of empathy comes in. Imagine what putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and then communicating what you imagine they are feeling would do in a conflict. How would this be different from how you engage in difficult discussions or conflict now? By slowing down and courageously communicating empathy, you open up space for vulnerability and this can have an enormous impact on your relationships.
experience the difference
The next time someone shares something with you that you disagree with or hold a different opinion of, respond with what makes sense to you about how the other person feels or how you imagine they feel, before sharing your own reaction to the topic. Notice what you feel when you engage this way and how the other person responds.
Additional resources
Brené Brown’s TED talk about the power of vulnerability: