Often couples get wrapped up in the content of their latest conflict or fight. Whether the fight is about the toothpaste cap being left off the tube again or how you disagree with your partner’s parenting choices, the content is what’s being said between you. Couples regularly find themselves brining up and discussing the same content in arguments again and again and feel that they are trapped in a never ending cycle with no resolution. This is where talking about talking comes in, that is, discussing with your partner about HOW the two of you are talking. Therapists call this the “process” or how things are being said and received.
Brining awareness to your process either during or after an argument can help you and your partner discuss how you communicate together. Issues with communication is one of the primary reasons that couples report for why they are seeking therapy. Talking about how you talk with your partner can help identify areas that are causing you to feel stuck in your discussions.
Give and Get Feedback
Sometimes people aren’t aware of what they are doing that may be impacting communication with their partner. Do you know how your partner prefers to receive feedback, whether it be positive or negative? Ask your partner how they would like to receive feedback and share ways that you feel most comfortable receiving feedback with your partner.