“Healthy boundaries are not walls. They are the gates and fences that allow you to enjoy the beauty of your own garden. ”
Boundaries are a central part of healthy relationships however, many people believe that boundaries serve to create barriers in relationships and keep people apart. When you think of the word boundary, this belief of boundary equals barrier makes sense, a boundary is something that indicates where one thing ends and another begins, or may indicate an area that is out of bounds or off limits, thus keeping people out. A study, described in the video below, looked at the effect that physical boundaries have on school children playing on a playground.
Contrary to the notion that boundaries act as a restraint, the study found that boundaries actually allowed the children to feel safer in their environment and to explore more of the playground than when boundaries weren't present. The same idea can be applied in relationships. If your friend, child, family member, or partner knows what and where your physical, material, mental, and emotional boundaries are, they will feel safer to engage with you knowing where your boundaries are and more specifically, where they are not.
Additionally, modeling healthy boundaries, like saying "no" or turning down something that you don't want to or can't do, gives others around you permission to care for themselves in the same way.
Doing Nothing is something
Often people have a hard time saying "no" to an invitation when they have nothing else planned. If your schedule is open, why not accept? Maybe you have been really busy or are just looking forward to some quiet time. How do you set aside time for yourself?
Additional Resources
Boundaries: Definition and Types of Boundaries (Part 1 of 3) by M. Beard
10 Ways to Build and Preserve Better Boundaries by Margarita Tartakovsky, MS